People-Pleasing & Speaking Up
How do I balance my own needs with the needs and expectations of other people?
How you balance other people's needs with your own: putting others first, voicing your views, and setting limits.
20 questions · About 4 minutesOur estimate
Infeee Exploratory AssessmentWhat it looks at
Five separate areas, each described on its own:
- Setting aside your own needsHow often you put your own needs to one side, including standing up for them, when other people need something.
- Responsibility for othersHow much you feel responsible for, and invested in, other people's wellbeing. This includes wanting to care for others, which is not a problem in itself.
- Meeting others' expectationsHow much you orient toward what other people expect of you, including wanting to please them and finding it hard to refuse their requests.
- Open expressionHow often you voice your views and reactions, including disagreement, preferences, and when something someone did bothered you.
- Declining & limitingHow often you say no, hold to a no, or renegotiate commitments that have become too much.
What it does not measure
- This isn't a measure of how much you care.
- It does not measure global self-worth (see Self-Esteem), closeness or dependence in relationships (see Attachment), or expectations of rejection (see Rejection Sensitivity).
- It is not a diagnosis, and there is no total score.
What you’ll see
You’ll see a constellation of the five areas at a glance, five labelled lines for a closer reading, and a description of each area. There are no numbers or totals, and neither end of any line is better.
Evidence and research basis
Infeee Exploratory Assessment
An original Infeee questionnaire grounded in published research, but not yet tested for reliability or validity. There are no norms or comparison groups.
How Infeee labels evidenceINFEEE EXPLORATORY ASSESSMENT — Research-informed, not yet validated.
These questions come from the People Pleasing Scale, a published scale validated in German samples. This English version has not yet been validated.
Infeee-original questions based on research on self-silencing and assertiveness; not yet validated.
People Pleasing Scale items, response options and subscale scoring: Blötner, C. (2026). Valuing others over oneself: Development and validation of a People Pleasing Scale in two German samples. Current Psychology, 45, Article 952. https://doi.org/10.1007/s12144-026-09519-2. Licensed under CC BY 4.0 (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/). Item wording unchanged; English translation as published by the author; display labels for subscales adapted by Infeee.
About this topic
Research distinguishes caring for others from caring for others to the exclusion of yourself.
Helping that feels chosen is associated with better wellbeing than pressured helping.
In German samples, people pleasing showed three related facets.
Your privacy
Your answers are processed in your browser and aren’t saved — not on this device and not on our servers.
When you finish, you can choose to add the result to your Self Map. It’s saved only in this browser on this device, and you can remove it at any time.
Before you start
20 questions in two parts · about 4 minutes. Not a diagnosis. Your answers stay on this device.
Part 1 of 2: People Pleasing Scale
Please indicate how strongly each of the following statements applies to you. Answers: Does not apply at all · Does not apply · Neutral · Applies · Completely applies.
Part 2 of 2: Voice & Limits
Over the past few months, across your relationships in general (friends, family, work and others), how often does each statement describe you? Answers: Never · Rarely · Sometimes · Often · Almost always.
This is a reflection tool, not a diagnosis. If you feel unsafe or need urgent help, contact your local emergency or crisis support service.
Ready when you are.